Well, this has been an interesting day to say the least. Again, let me remind my reader that I'm SORRY for so many postings in one day, but there's a lot to say. If you don't read my comment back to Mean Stepmom... basically, Younger called me tonight in breakdown... emotional, physical... everything. Her battery was dying and was going to call me back later tonight (it's late tonight!)
Anyway, I read my last post (my assignment) to my counselor and she was SOOOOO proud of me! :-) She said I'm finally healing and not being a butthead (I'm pretty good at that!) anymore. Anyway, she's been counseling me since Jan of 2008, so if she says it's progress... hehe... I'll take it. Actually, I feel progress myself. I'm not going crazy, I'm glad my girl is safe and sound and I love her and am filled with more love than hurt and anger right now.
I talked to Younger again tonight. I put myself out there... with NO expectations. We'll see what happens. I won't be hurt (lie!) if she doesn't take me up on my offer, but Younger is totally stressed out, stuck and has no where to go. I'm not willing to bring her home for "a break" yet. I am willing, however, to bring her camping. It's not home. Camping is a safe place for me, a safe place for her... even though neither of us have experienced it together. I offered. I asked Younger if she needed a break. Hehe... her response was like a stressed out mom of a 2 y/o.... DO I NEED A BREAK?!?!? HECK YEAH!! I NEED a break!! :-) It's not humorous, but her honesty in her stress is a bit funny (no haha... but comforting... it's weird). Anyway, I offered her a break. I asked her what her work schedule looked like for the rest of the week. It's a pretty slow week for me at work. I can take 2 days off. I'm willing to take 2 days off if it will assist Younger in clearing her head. We don't even have to talk. Suddenly, I'm ok with that. I love her and want the best for her. The best for her right now is not necessarily a lecture from her stepmom, but maybe a break. An enjoyable couple days away, gathering thoughts, hanging out at the lake, music, food, fun and chatting (i'll be available for that if she wants). I'm even considering bringing the jetski. Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm setting myself up for failure or not, but I feel more at peace about asking her for a couple days together than I've felt about our relationship in a long time. This time, I refuse to go into time together with "needy" expectations. She can "take take take" all she wants if we go camping. This BREAK is about her, not me. I'll let you all know if she calls tomorrow to coordinate. I won't lie, I'll be bummed if I don't hear from her, but I'll get over it quickly because it won't be about what I want from the relationship. It will be about what Younger needs for her life and sanity. I will reread this tomorrow when/if I'm fuming! hehe! :-) I love and miss her. I really hope she calls.
Thanks for reading...... AGAIN!!!!! :-)
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I hope younger calls you tomorrow to go camping! Sounds like you're making good progress in dealing with your hurt feelings.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you owe any of us readers any apologies when you post more than once. If people don't have time or inclination to read more than one post a day- they don't have to. I enjoyed all your posts today. Hope things continue to go well!
Camping sounds like a great idea. It will give you both a chance to relax and think things through. And I second what Amy said - post all you want! It's YOUR blog.
ReplyDeleteCamping sounds like a great idea. The outdoors are so healing and healthy for us. It's hard to carry negative energy around when we are amongst the trees and grass and fresh air. And post all you want! We are here for you. Do what feels right- this is your special space! - G
ReplyDeleteHear hear.... camping is the perfect antidote! I'm a big fan of getting back to nature to relieve stress. Hopefully it will do you both lots of good.
ReplyDeleteLBM xxxx