Younger's been sharing my computer with me... it's taken forever, even though I've been typing an update.
OK... it's been a CRAZY two days. Oh my word. Sorry I couldn't get to a computer sooner to start updating, but I've either looked at a computer screen at work too long or cried too much to even attempt to look at a computer screen again.
So, first up... court. We went to court at 0900 with Older. She barely made it on time, which was a little frustrating... if you're going to be late... don't be late for sentencing. Whatever. She got here. I had run around town getting Character Reference letters signed by her boss and her old principal, plus wrote mine, and edited the crap out of Hubby's (you're not supposed to say, "there's no excuse, however, her mother never supervised her and didn't grow up with morals"... no matter HOW TRUE that is). I had each person sign a "To The Honorable Judge Self" one and a "To Whom It May Concern" one (just in case we randomly had a different judge than we'd had before). I made 4 copies. Originals for the judge, copies for the prosecutor, copies for the defense and a copy for our records. Older showed up with a "To Whom It May Concern" that BM half-assed. ONE COPY ONLY! I was soo pissed... is it that hard to press print 3 times? Whatever. Anyway, we got that stuff to the prosecution and when Older was called up, the lawyer gave the Judge his copies. The judge paused everything and read every single one. I'm not talking "glanced"... he READ every one. :-) YAY! So, they went through all the formalities after that. Defense said sorry, then the judge asked the Prosectutor for her recommendation. I've been in this court room at least 10 times. All I've ever heard the prosecutor recommend is the max sentence on the plea bargain. She said, I've read all of these references, your Honor, and the prosecution stands neutral. It sounds like Younger's turned her life around. My jaw DROPPED!!! YIPPEEEE!!!!! :-) The judge started talking and he said that there's always consequences to actions and he's very proud that she's done so well that people/family are willing to offer character references. But she still has a consequence. So he gave her 14 days and 5 years probation, and only $200 in court fees. WOOHOO!!!! That's TOTALLY a win!! :-) Understand that her offense carried a possible 5-15 years and up to $10,000 in fees. So, because she worked hard and got her life on track, she isn't separated from family for a long time! THEN this morning, her BF called. Older was released this morning by the judge. :-) Apparently, he had tosave face in the courtroom (he'd JUST made a comment about what she was charged with and how hard they are on people with those charges RIGHT before she was called up) and couldn't just give her probation in front of everyone. However, he felt jail wasn't the best option for her and getting her home, back to her job, on probation and with her son was in the best interest of her staying out of trouble. What a freaking blessing! It was awesome. :-) So, she's home, she's back on the work schedule, she's grateful, and she knows that if she hadn't straightened up, she'd be sitting in a jail cell for a LONG time.
Ok... then we have Younger. Younger actually showed up yesterday before 5. We told her to be home by 5 and she did. GF came inside for 2 seconds to say hi, and then went back to her place. We finished laundry and this and that, and then we sat down for a "talk". By talk, I mean Hubby sat her on the couch, turned to her and said. I'M talking. You will have your chance when I'M done. He said that he says is from him AND me. :-) He laid the smack down on her!!! :-) High points were... you WILL respect each member of this family... if you feel like you can't do that... there's the door. We expect you to be a part of this family and contribute to the family. If you can't do that... there's the door. We expect you to obey the house rules... again, there's the door. GF is NOT part of our family now matter how much "like family" she is to you. Deal with it. Sunday's are off limits unless WE make an exception. You don't have to participate, but you're not getting rides anywhere on Sundays and GF is not to come over on Sundays. That's family day. You want to claim to be an adult... stop throwing freaking temper tantrums. Children throw temper tantrums. Act like a child and you'll be treated like one. Act like an adult, you'll be treated like one. What Cristine says goes. Period. I better not hear from Cristine while I'm in CA that you're acting up. IF that happens... and she boots you... it's from me too. Oh my goodness.... it was SOOO good! :-) Anyway, there were no arguments... she said she understood. We talked briefly with the counselor b/c we'd worked things out before our call. Younger set up a time to talk with her the next day.
Younger actually called her that time. They had a great conversation. I asked D if Younger was really ready to be home and she said yes.
Since our big talk... things have been going great. No arguments, no tension, relationships are building. No nagging... I'm picking my battles and doing rather well at it. :-) We had a family day yesterday after work. We got Halloween stuff (we bought Younger a costume because she wasn't being a 2nd grader at the place... totally not selfish... very different change... we offered to buy her one and she couldn't find anything b/c she was looking at less than $20 costumes... i asked her to pick out her fav and we ended up getting it for her) and then came home. We carved pumpkins until just about bed time. It was a great day. :-)
Today was great too. Younger came to work with me. She was different at work this time than the last times. She wasn't needy or whining about anything. She was patient and helpful. She came with me b/c she had an interview for a job she's been talking about since she came to live with us. Unfortunately, she kinda blew it. :-( Her GF was there and apparently they've been fighting lately, and she said that the GF kept talking to her the whole time and broke her concentration. :-( She was pretty bummed and really mad, but then I put on her favorite songs and got her a milkshake. All is well in her world. :-) She got some confidence again... :-) It's going to take a lot of work... but much like marriage I'm in for the long haul. I'm going to continue to learn how to deal with different things with Younger and how to work with her to assist her with her anger/patience issues.
OK... this is getting REALLY long, but I want to update on Older. Older was released after less than 24 hours in jail. Apparently, the judge didn't really want to give her any time... only probation b/c she's been doing sooo well. Well, after she was booked in and court was closed for the day, he called her lawyer and let him know he was releasing her. She's back home, less than a day later, she still has the 5 years probation.... BUT, she's back with her son, already called work and got back on the schedule and is soo grateful. I reminded her (when she called me after she got her phone... YAY), when she said it was because of the character references, that without her getting her butt in gear and doing so great, there wouldn't have been character references for the court date. I told her SHE is the one who did it for herself. I reminded her that HARD WORK always beats the easy way out. :-)
Ok... gonna go. Things are going well here and I haven't had a headache in 2 days. :-) YAY! Thanks for reading!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
26 hours...
It took a whopping 26 hours for WW 8000 to break out. I am soo discouraged. If you don't like cussing, stop reading now because I'm seriously pissed/hurt/angry/confused... any emotions in between!
Ok, so for the first 20 hours, things were going well. Younger came home, cooked dinner last night.. didn't abuse the phone... all that I listed about last night and this morning.
We've been planning on going to this home shelter place since Sunday. Younger through off the plans HUGELY. She broke her agreement. Her agreement was to be home, we'd get home from our errands, get everything loaded up in the truck for tonight, pick up the GF, and head to help at the shelter place. Well, she wasn't home. She had to meet up with Hubby at some point. She showed up at home with a HUGE attitude. Some bullshit about her permit. We took her permit away in March due to legal liability and we weren't willing to risk that legal liability. We've had her permit ever since. In TN, when a parent signs for a minor to get a permit, just because they turn 18 doesn't take the liability of the parent away until the minor/18 y/o get's their license. Hmmm... I have a great idea. Let's start the biggest argument on the face of the earth over symmantics. I'm soooo sick of this shit already, I'm not even kidding!
We didn't get anything done but planning and talking (which was pretty good) about the project we're attempting to help out on. (The project is a shower/bathroom for a homeless charity in our local area) We came home unsuccessful. That sucked. From there, the suck continued. Younger asked me to come outside with her to speak about the incident (permit incident where she became SERIOUSLY disrespectful and loud... in front of the GF) that happened prior to leaving for the homeless place. We had a good conversation... she took accountability for her poor choice this evening (oh, by the way, this was AFTER i bandaged her hurt hand... she hurt it punching a wall... good f-ing idea!... WTH?) and things were going well. Whatever. Then the conversation started getting into the taxi/GF/Church/Sunday stuff that I was writing about in my earlier post. HOLY FREAKING CRAP! Apparently, this girl, whom she's KNOWN for 7 f-ing weeks, is more family than us. GF/Sunday issue aside, Younger nit-picked the shit out of the issue with Hubby and the permit. It was a disaster. This shit happens one more time... she's out on her ass. I don't give an F anymore. She's going to F up... she can do it outside of our household. We are sick of the fighting, arguing, late night phone calls to the counselor. I'm done! It's only been 26 freaking hours.
With the counselor's help, we agreed to allow her to run away from her freaking issues THIS TIME. If she ever leaves this house again without resolving a disagreement/argument... she'll find her shit on the curb. We made this more than clear. We also made clear to her that her GF of 7 weeks is NOT a part of our family. If she wants to work on our family, GF is not present/left out. I don't care. GF is a nice girl, but she's not my girl. I'm not a fucking taxi. I'm not a Holiday Inn. I'm done with this shit. Seriously, if it happens again, she's out on her ass. It's absolute bullshit that she's home 26 hours and we already made an "emergency" call to our counselor. BTW, our counselor is AWESOME b/c her fiance called me to let me know she was on another call and would call back as soon as possible. :-) GO D!!! :-)
I'm tired and my brain's going a million miles an hour even though there's an imaginary vice on my head. No homework completed tonight (surprise!). I'm going to get off here. Oh, I got all the Character Reference Letters completed today for Older for her court/sentencing tomorrow. I really hope all goes well and she just gets probation. She's doing SOOOO AWESOME! :-) Alrighty, really going. Pray for court tomorrow!
Thanks for reading about my psycho life! :-P
Ok, so for the first 20 hours, things were going well. Younger came home, cooked dinner last night.. didn't abuse the phone... all that I listed about last night and this morning.
We've been planning on going to this home shelter place since Sunday. Younger through off the plans HUGELY. She broke her agreement. Her agreement was to be home, we'd get home from our errands, get everything loaded up in the truck for tonight, pick up the GF, and head to help at the shelter place. Well, she wasn't home. She had to meet up with Hubby at some point. She showed up at home with a HUGE attitude. Some bullshit about her permit. We took her permit away in March due to legal liability and we weren't willing to risk that legal liability. We've had her permit ever since. In TN, when a parent signs for a minor to get a permit, just because they turn 18 doesn't take the liability of the parent away until the minor/18 y/o get's their license. Hmmm... I have a great idea. Let's start the biggest argument on the face of the earth over symmantics. I'm soooo sick of this shit already, I'm not even kidding!
We didn't get anything done but planning and talking (which was pretty good) about the project we're attempting to help out on. (The project is a shower/bathroom for a homeless charity in our local area) We came home unsuccessful. That sucked. From there, the suck continued. Younger asked me to come outside with her to speak about the incident (permit incident where she became SERIOUSLY disrespectful and loud... in front of the GF) that happened prior to leaving for the homeless place. We had a good conversation... she took accountability for her poor choice this evening (oh, by the way, this was AFTER i bandaged her hurt hand... she hurt it punching a wall... good f-ing idea!... WTH?) and things were going well. Whatever. Then the conversation started getting into the taxi/GF/Church/Sunday stuff that I was writing about in my earlier post. HOLY FREAKING CRAP! Apparently, this girl, whom she's KNOWN for 7 f-ing weeks, is more family than us. GF/Sunday issue aside, Younger nit-picked the shit out of the issue with Hubby and the permit. It was a disaster. This shit happens one more time... she's out on her ass. I don't give an F anymore. She's going to F up... she can do it outside of our household. We are sick of the fighting, arguing, late night phone calls to the counselor. I'm done! It's only been 26 freaking hours.
With the counselor's help, we agreed to allow her to run away from her freaking issues THIS TIME. If she ever leaves this house again without resolving a disagreement/argument... she'll find her shit on the curb. We made this more than clear. We also made clear to her that her GF of 7 weeks is NOT a part of our family. If she wants to work on our family, GF is not present/left out. I don't care. GF is a nice girl, but she's not my girl. I'm not a fucking taxi. I'm not a Holiday Inn. I'm done with this shit. Seriously, if it happens again, she's out on her ass. It's absolute bullshit that she's home 26 hours and we already made an "emergency" call to our counselor. BTW, our counselor is AWESOME b/c her fiance called me to let me know she was on another call and would call back as soon as possible. :-) GO D!!! :-)
I'm tired and my brain's going a million miles an hour even though there's an imaginary vice on my head. No homework completed tonight (surprise!). I'm going to get off here. Oh, I got all the Character Reference Letters completed today for Older for her court/sentencing tomorrow. I really hope all goes well and she just gets probation. She's doing SOOOO AWESOME! :-) Alrighty, really going. Pray for court tomorrow!
Thanks for reading about my psycho life! :-P
1st Night Home
So, last night was Younger's first night home again for real. (She stayed Saturday night, but not Sunday). Everything went well. Hubby picked her up after work while I went grocery shopping. I came home and she'd decided she wanted to cook dinner. That was very nice of her. She made a delicious spaghetti with meat sauce. It was really very good. Younger hung out with us on the couch for a while. After about an hour, I went into the office to work on some homework.
Younger used the phone a bit, talked with her GF, and talked with her mom. She didn't abuse the phone, though, so that was nice.
I called her today and she'd bathed the dogs and was getting ready to head out for her job hunt. It's cold/nasty rain here today. Not pouring rain... the really annoying kind of rain. She was discouraged by that, but I was still surprised to hear she didn't just throw the day away because of the rain.
When we get home, we're continuing our volunteer project from Sunday. We'll be picking her GF up to go with us. That's something I absent-mindedly committed to and it's WAY more running around than I'd like to do, but oh well. She did call to see if another girl could come along and I nixed that quickly.
I had a couple things on my mind and thought that I could get some feedback from the readers. Things are going fine with Younger. So far, not too many complaints. My one complaint (if I even would call it that) is that she's attached at the hip to her GF. She's only even known this girl for 6-7 weeks. Youngers' assuming that I'm going to drive across town to pick her GF up for church every Sunday, feed her, and bring her back. I'm not one to keep someone from coming to church... but if her GF wants to go, I'd prefer she get her own ride. Honestly, Sunday is a family together day for us. Our weeks are crazy and our Saturdays usually end up being crammed with homework/house cleaning/yard maintenance/laundry and other stuff. I'd like to have a family day. As horrible as this might sound, one of my reservations of Younger coming home was that it would seriously disrupt the schedule and little routines that her dad and I have (and that she was once a part of before she started down her slippery slope). This SERIOUSLY disrupts it. I'm not against her GF... if it was a BF, I'd feel the same. But, it's our family day and I'm not a freaking taxi. I want to enjoy the family together. Plus, she's KNOWN this girl for 6-7 weeks and this girl called me her "mother in law" to her friend the other day. That's a HUGE pet peeve of mine b/c it seems these younger kids rush into stuff soooo quickly. Then last night, the GF told Younger to tell her mom and dad she said hi. I'm not her mom/mother-in-law... whatever. She's a nice girl, but she's suffocating.
I'd like to have a nice, chill family Sunday (because our relationships with Younger as a part of the family needs some SERIOUS work). I don't think that's too much to ask, but maybe I'm going crazy. Feel free to tell me what you guys really think.
My other concern is that Younger literally has NO friends. In the last 5 months, she alienated everyone who cared about her. So, her only friend is this new GF. She asked if she could have GF over on Sat for Halloween. We agreed. Now she's asking to have her over on Friday too b/c there's some party going on at the place GF stays and GF doesn't want to be there during that time. Well, that sucks... but that doesn't make me a taxi cab driver. I committed to getting Younger to and from work/job interview... things of that nature. Not joy rides all over the place. Oh by the way, get some other friends... change it up. While GF is nice, she's not only person on the face of the earth. Get some good friends who are good kids and go from there.
Am I taking this too far? It's going pretty far in my head.
By the way, neither of them have a driver's license, car, job, money... etc. PLEASE PLEASE give me your thoughts!!!
Thanks for reading.
Younger used the phone a bit, talked with her GF, and talked with her mom. She didn't abuse the phone, though, so that was nice.
I called her today and she'd bathed the dogs and was getting ready to head out for her job hunt. It's cold/nasty rain here today. Not pouring rain... the really annoying kind of rain. She was discouraged by that, but I was still surprised to hear she didn't just throw the day away because of the rain.
When we get home, we're continuing our volunteer project from Sunday. We'll be picking her GF up to go with us. That's something I absent-mindedly committed to and it's WAY more running around than I'd like to do, but oh well. She did call to see if another girl could come along and I nixed that quickly.
I had a couple things on my mind and thought that I could get some feedback from the readers. Things are going fine with Younger. So far, not too many complaints. My one complaint (if I even would call it that) is that she's attached at the hip to her GF. She's only even known this girl for 6-7 weeks. Youngers' assuming that I'm going to drive across town to pick her GF up for church every Sunday, feed her, and bring her back. I'm not one to keep someone from coming to church... but if her GF wants to go, I'd prefer she get her own ride. Honestly, Sunday is a family together day for us. Our weeks are crazy and our Saturdays usually end up being crammed with homework/house cleaning/yard maintenance/laundry and other stuff. I'd like to have a family day. As horrible as this might sound, one of my reservations of Younger coming home was that it would seriously disrupt the schedule and little routines that her dad and I have (and that she was once a part of before she started down her slippery slope). This SERIOUSLY disrupts it. I'm not against her GF... if it was a BF, I'd feel the same. But, it's our family day and I'm not a freaking taxi. I want to enjoy the family together. Plus, she's KNOWN this girl for 6-7 weeks and this girl called me her "mother in law" to her friend the other day. That's a HUGE pet peeve of mine b/c it seems these younger kids rush into stuff soooo quickly. Then last night, the GF told Younger to tell her mom and dad she said hi. I'm not her mom/mother-in-law... whatever. She's a nice girl, but she's suffocating.
I'd like to have a nice, chill family Sunday (because our relationships with Younger as a part of the family needs some SERIOUS work). I don't think that's too much to ask, but maybe I'm going crazy. Feel free to tell me what you guys really think.
My other concern is that Younger literally has NO friends. In the last 5 months, she alienated everyone who cared about her. So, her only friend is this new GF. She asked if she could have GF over on Sat for Halloween. We agreed. Now she's asking to have her over on Friday too b/c there's some party going on at the place GF stays and GF doesn't want to be there during that time. Well, that sucks... but that doesn't make me a taxi cab driver. I committed to getting Younger to and from work/job interview... things of that nature. Not joy rides all over the place. Oh by the way, get some other friends... change it up. While GF is nice, she's not only person on the face of the earth. Get some good friends who are good kids and go from there.
Am I taking this too far? It's going pretty far in my head.
By the way, neither of them have a driver's license, car, job, money... etc. PLEASE PLEASE give me your thoughts!!!
Thanks for reading.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Weekend Wrap Up again...
Ok... I'm wicked tired, but I really need to update. Not for me, because I know what's going on, but for all of my blogging friends out there. I'm sure you all don't lose sleep over my blog (like I sometimes do over my life), but it's considerate, none the less. :-)
"Negotiations" on Friday went well. The only thing that Younger didn't want to agree to was the house rule of "no girls or boys in her room"... period. For those of you who don't know, Younger has declared herself to be bi-sexual. Which, as a mom, means I have no idea if someone's a love interest... guy or girl. I don't want hanky panky going on in my house. While I was living with my now-husband before marraige... we took a look at our family values well before marriage and at that point chose to institute a house rule that there will be no "hanky panky" prior to marraige. Case in point... my Hubby and I didn't have sex from that point on until we were married... living together and all. Anyway, that's where this rule stems from. After careful thought, I understand a little bit more why Younger didn't agree with that rule. We live in a 3 bedroom, 1000 sq ft house with one living area and no "bonus room". By our rule, she HAS to hang out with us together all the time in the living room when she has friends over. So, we compromised. We instituted the 90 degree rule. IF there is a boy or girl in her room, her door must be open 90 degrees the whole time. She agreed to that.
That means... my girl is coming home. Technically, she did already... ish. She wanted to move in today. I told her that wouldn't work for me and she basically needed to move in Sat, but come to stay today. We got all the crap out of her room (it became the "catch all" room as I re-did other rooms in the house after she left), cleaned it up, and moved all of her things in. Her room says she's home. It's a different feeling. It doesn't feel like a fight. She's receptive. Her attitude is different. It's good... for now. It's either going to stay good and get better or go down hill. I hope for the former. I will work for the former. Here's her room. :-)
We had a really good conversation on Friday. My Hubby was outside chatting with the mechanic, so I had a moment with Younger. I told her that we were both a pain in the butt and could get on each others' nerves very easily if we don't communicate. Complicating matters, she'll be home a week and Hubby is leaving for 2 weeks for work right after that. She said that she REALLY wanted to make this work and have a relationship with me and get her butt on track. I asked her what kind of relationship she wanted with me, so I could support her the way she needs support. (In March/April, she wrote me a letter to give me the big F U for not wanting the same relationship as I wanted from her... whatever... old crap that's forgiven, I was just not going to assume anything this time) She said she really wanted a mother/daughter relationship with me. She said the last week and a half, she already feels like we've become so much closer and she's really grateful for it. Younger told me that she's been getting off the phone with me this last week and when people ask who she's been talking to, she kept calling me "mom" to them. She's been catching herself calling me mom by accident, and she wants that back badly. It warmed my oh-so-guarded heart. Don't worry readers... I'll believe it when I see it. I have faith in her, though, that she's not snowing me this time. 1st bit of evidence... she maintained eye contact. We'll see past that.
Anyway... she's not home tonight. Her GF's family is in town and so she's staying the night there tonight. She'll be picked up tomorrow after we get off of work and she's officially for real home. Nerve racking, but exciting at the same time. I'm working on being careful that I'm not in a euphoric state... I AM relishing the good times for now. Actually, I'll always relish the good times. I have the mom role 100%. Not just b/c I took it on, but because she continually keeps giving it to me without her realizing it all the time.
Time will tell how everything works out, but I am glad she's home, safe, working on our relationships, and goal-oriented. I'll do my best to keep updating. No HW done this weekend either (surprise)... Oh, send out good thoughts and prayers. We have our last court date with Older (old post explained her dumbass decision to sell some cocaine for $30 a year ago... she's cleaned up her act since then... oh, she wasn't using, just had a bad BAD lapse in judgement) on Wednesday. I'm praying for probation. Last year, I was praying for jail time for her. What a diff a year makes!
Thanks for reading!
"Negotiations" on Friday went well. The only thing that Younger didn't want to agree to was the house rule of "no girls or boys in her room"... period. For those of you who don't know, Younger has declared herself to be bi-sexual. Which, as a mom, means I have no idea if someone's a love interest... guy or girl. I don't want hanky panky going on in my house. While I was living with my now-husband before marraige... we took a look at our family values well before marriage and at that point chose to institute a house rule that there will be no "hanky panky" prior to marraige. Case in point... my Hubby and I didn't have sex from that point on until we were married... living together and all. Anyway, that's where this rule stems from. After careful thought, I understand a little bit more why Younger didn't agree with that rule. We live in a 3 bedroom, 1000 sq ft house with one living area and no "bonus room". By our rule, she HAS to hang out with us together all the time in the living room when she has friends over. So, we compromised. We instituted the 90 degree rule. IF there is a boy or girl in her room, her door must be open 90 degrees the whole time. She agreed to that.
That means... my girl is coming home. Technically, she did already... ish. She wanted to move in today. I told her that wouldn't work for me and she basically needed to move in Sat, but come to stay today. We got all the crap out of her room (it became the "catch all" room as I re-did other rooms in the house after she left), cleaned it up, and moved all of her things in. Her room says she's home. It's a different feeling. It doesn't feel like a fight. She's receptive. Her attitude is different. It's good... for now. It's either going to stay good and get better or go down hill. I hope for the former. I will work for the former. Here's her room. :-)
We had a really good conversation on Friday. My Hubby was outside chatting with the mechanic, so I had a moment with Younger. I told her that we were both a pain in the butt and could get on each others' nerves very easily if we don't communicate. Complicating matters, she'll be home a week and Hubby is leaving for 2 weeks for work right after that. She said that she REALLY wanted to make this work and have a relationship with me and get her butt on track. I asked her what kind of relationship she wanted with me, so I could support her the way she needs support. (In March/April, she wrote me a letter to give me the big F U for not wanting the same relationship as I wanted from her... whatever... old crap that's forgiven, I was just not going to assume anything this time) She said she really wanted a mother/daughter relationship with me. She said the last week and a half, she already feels like we've become so much closer and she's really grateful for it. Younger told me that she's been getting off the phone with me this last week and when people ask who she's been talking to, she kept calling me "mom" to them. She's been catching herself calling me mom by accident, and she wants that back badly. It warmed my oh-so-guarded heart. Don't worry readers... I'll believe it when I see it. I have faith in her, though, that she's not snowing me this time. 1st bit of evidence... she maintained eye contact. We'll see past that.
Anyway... she's not home tonight. Her GF's family is in town and so she's staying the night there tonight. She'll be picked up tomorrow after we get off of work and she's officially for real home. Nerve racking, but exciting at the same time. I'm working on being careful that I'm not in a euphoric state... I AM relishing the good times for now. Actually, I'll always relish the good times. I have the mom role 100%. Not just b/c I took it on, but because she continually keeps giving it to me without her realizing it all the time.
Time will tell how everything works out, but I am glad she's home, safe, working on our relationships, and goal-oriented. I'll do my best to keep updating. No HW done this weekend either (surprise)... Oh, send out good thoughts and prayers. We have our last court date with Older (old post explained her dumbass decision to sell some cocaine for $30 a year ago... she's cleaned up her act since then... oh, she wasn't using, just had a bad BAD lapse in judgement) on Wednesday. I'm praying for probation. Last year, I was praying for jail time for her. What a diff a year makes!
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I Forgive Her
Those words are harder to say than I LOVE YOU... sometimes...
I talked with the counselor today. Without giving specifics... Younger was feeling a TON of shame for coming home and giving us the big F U... then continuing to screw things up on her own to the point where she couldn't feed herself for almost a week.
I brought that up with my mom after telling her about my talk with D. My mom asked me if I ever offered Younger forgiveness for the crap that she pulled when she was home. I told my mom that we weren't offering anything to Younger without her asking anymore. My mom made a very good point (and if you hate anything religious... stop now... i'm not super religious... my mom makes a good point). She said that Jesus didn't wait for us to ask forgiveness before dying on the cross... Forgiveness is given freely. Whether someone asks or not... you either give it or you don't... regardless of the other person.
So, I got off the phone with my mom. I've been waiting for an apology forever!!! I kept telling my mom and D I wanted an apology from her... PERIOD! I was WRONG. After talking with my mom, I realized that I was at the point where I do forgive Younger... I was just waiting for her to ask. It's also interesting that last weekend Younger told me NOTHING IS FREE! That's not true... Forgiveness is free... it's up to the person to receive the forgiveness or not. I finally get that! :-)
I called Younger immediately after my epiphany. She excused herself and went outside. I told her briefly about my conversation with my mom. I was quite vague on purpose. Then I hit her with it... BAM! "Younger, we had a lot of crap go on while you lived here before. I just wanted to let you know that I FORGIVE you for all that crap. Will you FORGIVE me?". :-) I'm sooo proud of me. I'm so happy for me... I'm soo happy for Younger. The response from Younger was a sigh of relief and an exacerbated "THANK YOU and a YES! Of Course, I forgive you!" I waited so long for an apology that would have taken FOREVER, to give her something I was free to give... no matter what. It's amazing. I can't tell you the euphoric feeling I have right now.
I'm soo grateful that my mom offered me that perspective. I did tell Younger, it doesn't mean I don't still have pet peeves and such... but I forgive her for the hurt/pain/anger/chaos that went on while she was here. What a relief! Surprisingly, I did more for me by offering her forgiveness than I did for her. I'm sure of that. A weight has lifted and I feel ridiculously free.
It's a great feeling... Is there someone that you need to forgive? Possibly yourself? Forgiveness is free and it's just an amazing feeling! :-)
Thanks for reading!
I talked with the counselor today. Without giving specifics... Younger was feeling a TON of shame for coming home and giving us the big F U... then continuing to screw things up on her own to the point where she couldn't feed herself for almost a week.
I brought that up with my mom after telling her about my talk with D. My mom asked me if I ever offered Younger forgiveness for the crap that she pulled when she was home. I told my mom that we weren't offering anything to Younger without her asking anymore. My mom made a very good point (and if you hate anything religious... stop now... i'm not super religious... my mom makes a good point). She said that Jesus didn't wait for us to ask forgiveness before dying on the cross... Forgiveness is given freely. Whether someone asks or not... you either give it or you don't... regardless of the other person.
So, I got off the phone with my mom. I've been waiting for an apology forever!!! I kept telling my mom and D I wanted an apology from her... PERIOD! I was WRONG. After talking with my mom, I realized that I was at the point where I do forgive Younger... I was just waiting for her to ask. It's also interesting that last weekend Younger told me NOTHING IS FREE! That's not true... Forgiveness is free... it's up to the person to receive the forgiveness or not. I finally get that! :-)
I called Younger immediately after my epiphany. She excused herself and went outside. I told her briefly about my conversation with my mom. I was quite vague on purpose. Then I hit her with it... BAM! "Younger, we had a lot of crap go on while you lived here before. I just wanted to let you know that I FORGIVE you for all that crap. Will you FORGIVE me?". :-) I'm sooo proud of me. I'm so happy for me... I'm soo happy for Younger. The response from Younger was a sigh of relief and an exacerbated "THANK YOU and a YES! Of Course, I forgive you!" I waited so long for an apology that would have taken FOREVER, to give her something I was free to give... no matter what. It's amazing. I can't tell you the euphoric feeling I have right now.
I'm soo grateful that my mom offered me that perspective. I did tell Younger, it doesn't mean I don't still have pet peeves and such... but I forgive her for the hurt/pain/anger/chaos that went on while she was here. What a relief! Surprisingly, I did more for me by offering her forgiveness than I did for her. I'm sure of that. A weight has lifted and I feel ridiculously free.
It's a great feeling... Is there someone that you need to forgive? Possibly yourself? Forgiveness is free and it's just an amazing feeling! :-)
Thanks for reading!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Weekend Wrap Up
Thank you all for your comments on the last post! I appreciate it. I didn't feel like jumping on the computer last night at 8 pm when I finally got home and settled. I was home all day, but Younger was home with us. I got ZERO homework done (BOO!), but it was a very productive day.
Saturday morning, I got ahold of the counselor while Hubby was out golfing. She has internet-phone and had used her cell for some counseling calls, so her phone ended up completely dying. Then when I was calling the house (we were going over time frames), she was at the grocery store, the next time, she was on a date with her fiance'. So, it was just poor timing and missed calls. Nothing to fret about. In hine-sight (sp?), sometimes I am actually grateful when we can't get ahold of her b/c I do use her as a crutch. The end result (working things out) is usually the same, it just takes SOOOOO much longer without her! :-) Either way, Hubby and I didn't go to bed angry. We didn't go to bed agreeing, but we didn't go to bed angry, and that's what matters!
So, Saturday, I chatted with our counselor, D, for about an hour (it wasn't all issues, we've grown into side friends... i have to compartmentalize when it's counseling). She's had a rough year. She found out a little less than a year ago that she's had MS for about the last 10 years and it's just been mis-diagnosed until Dec last year. About 2 months ago, she found out the new treatment that she was on for MS causes dormant malignant melanoma (sp?) to "wake up". So, after about 6 months of treatment, she found out she had skin cancer. Yeah, rough year isn't the half of it! So, she was telling me all about how she got into a new cancer treatment hospital that will deal with her MS too. :-) That's FANTASTIC news! We talked about all that and then also talked about me and Hubby's argument. She basically told me to slow down. I was coming up with a lot of fears that I didn't necessarily have proven yet. They were old fears, and we could possibily be dealing with a new situation. Through talking with her, turns out (and I figured this out... go me!) a lot of my fears weren't necessarily surrounding Younger... they were that Hubby wouldn't be consistent (i'm the consistent one and therefore evil) even going into this, or stand up for me, or stand up for basic respect in our household. So, I got some instructions from D for handling Sunday. Talked a bit with Hubby about it after golf, then headed to a friends' house for dinner/drinks/and Wii! :-) It was a fun night. It was nice to just put the other stuff out of my head for a while and just hang out with friends. It's also really fun to see my Hubby quite a bit tipsy! He's hilarious, and it just doesn't happen very often. Plus, if he ever gets tipsy after an argument, I get 100 apologies on the way home. Hehe! I didn't need the apologies, we already got through that formality, but he was really sorry! It was kinda cute! :-P
Sunday morning came too soon! We were up til 1230, so 8 am felt really early! We got up and started to get ready. My phone started ringing at like 815. It was Younger. She called to tell me she was up and ready for me to pick her up for church. WOW... I seriously had expected to pull into her driveway, sit there for 5 minutes and drive away without her in the car. So, that's the first bit of evidence that she was at least serious about sitting down with us and her life plan. OK... cool. I went and picked her up and Hubby went and picked up the grandson. We went to church, had a great sermon on taking care of yourself so that you can serve others. It was pretty much perfect. Next Sunday, we're not having church, we're going out into the community to help different families that need help with project here and there... we have a lot of deployed military in our community. Anyway, lunch went well. We went back to the house and grandson was KNOCKED OUT!! :-) That worked out well b/c we got a lot of talking and working through stuff with Younger accomplished. She showed us her plan. She changed it from a life plan to a year plan (which is all we were really expecting). It was good. It lacked some details, but she hit main points on the head. It was interesting b/c the details it lacked were things she just doesn't know. Now, for an 18 y/o... this girl's experienced a TON of crap in her life. Unfortunately, she doesn't have experience with good stuff, mostly bad stuff. So, we weren't terribly shocked that her plan didn't have any know-how on the good stuff. Instead of leading her along, we had her answer her own questions. When she got really stuck... like "i have no clue at all", we left it alone for conversation later. Hubby was very cut and dry with her. We don't trust you, we have no reason/evidence to trust you, we will not allow our household to become a war zone again. If it even so much as looks like it starting to be a war zone and something doesn't change... you're out. Done, gone... too bad. He let her know this was her last chance. She comes home and doesn't follow through with her plan... BYE. He also told her that nothing in life (as an adult) is free. She's going to have to contribute financially after she gets a job. Oh by the way, you need a job ASAP. If you don't walk into this house with a job, you'd better have one within the first week. I was sooooo proud, I couldn't believe my ears! She took everything in stride. No rolling of the eyes, no "buts", just "I understand". Oh, and another crazy thing... the TOP (above job) thing on her plan was to work on our relationships to get back to right with her. She even asked if we could start the family counseling calls again. I guess that's what happens when you get some food after not eating for 3-5 days. Priorities change. She also asked if one of us would pick her up for church each Sunday... to include next Sunday when we're doing the community serve Sunday. She asked if we could also have a family day, whether it's Sunday or an additional day so that we can talk/work through things/hang out and she can learn more about being a productive and successful adult. Finally, she asked to and actually scheduled a call with the counselor for Wednesday at 3 to go over her plan with D, get feedback on it, and make sure she takes the right steps in our relationships to come home. I know I sound pretty excited right now, but it was like pulling freaking teeth to get her to have real conversations on the conference calls before she headed down her slippery slope. So, if she's willing to do that to get her life and relationships back on track... it's a good sign. Plus, we'll speak to D after she talks to Younger and see where she really thinks things sit.
Anyway, we finished up all our "serious" talks and I made dinner. Grandson woke up and started playing around with everyone (he had perfect timing!). I made dinner and we had an enjoyable rest of the afternoon. Around 630, I got ready to bring Younger back. She had called her mom from our house and her mom had asked for some things back that Younger had borrowed and I agreed to bring Younger and the things to BM's house. Well, surprise... BM was at the bar. So, I brought Younger to the bar to drop off the stuff and then got permission from BM to bring Younger into BM's house so that she could pick up some more of her things. BM agreed, but told Younger not to take any of her clothes. ALL of Younger's clothes were on Younger's bed and not to touch anything in BM's room except a ring that was on BM's dresser. Ok... no problem. I brought Younger over, we went upstairs to grab Younger's stuff. When Younger went into her mom's bedroom, I followed (I followed her everywhere in the house so BM couldn't start any BS) and you pass the bed to get to the dresser. Sitting right there on BM's bed were 3 shirts that I BOUGHT Younger! I was like... Are you freaking serious! So, we went through all the clothes. I spent my freaking allowance on Younger's clothes b/c we didn't have very much money in the joint account when she came home last year. Out of all the clothes, we found 5 shirts, a jacket, a pair of jeans, and the shoes that Younger wore for the wedding reception. Oh yeah, and 3 pair of Younger's underwear that were hidden in shirts that were on BM's bed! I don't understand that behavior, but we got everything that I'd purchased for Younger out of her room. We packed up almost everything in Younger's room to bring back to the house that Younger's staying at right now. After dropping Younger off (oh, and she wasn't lying about her living arrangements... she had 2 couch pillows and a blanket in "her room"), I called BM and left a message. I ensured her that Younger didn't take anything from the house that didn't belong to her. I know what Younger's clothes look like b/c I purchased them and still hold the receipts, so if anything is in question, feel free to give me a call. Hmm.... she never called ;-)
Post-Younger visit talks with Hubby went well. We have our call with D tonight, so we'll see how that goes. I still hope to finish my homework before Wed. It's a nice hope... I'll figure out some way to do it, but my policy has always been that family comes first... so we'll see. I know this was REALLY long, but it's been a LONG weekend. I'll do my best to keep everyone updated. It's also nice to have this chronicled a bit for myself. Although, I do need to stop posting when I'm knee deep in my craziness! hehe! :-) I hope everyone else has a FANTASTIC week! :-)
Thanks for reading!
Saturday morning, I got ahold of the counselor while Hubby was out golfing. She has internet-phone and had used her cell for some counseling calls, so her phone ended up completely dying. Then when I was calling the house (we were going over time frames), she was at the grocery store, the next time, she was on a date with her fiance'. So, it was just poor timing and missed calls. Nothing to fret about. In hine-sight (sp?), sometimes I am actually grateful when we can't get ahold of her b/c I do use her as a crutch. The end result (working things out) is usually the same, it just takes SOOOOO much longer without her! :-) Either way, Hubby and I didn't go to bed angry. We didn't go to bed agreeing, but we didn't go to bed angry, and that's what matters!
So, Saturday, I chatted with our counselor, D, for about an hour (it wasn't all issues, we've grown into side friends... i have to compartmentalize when it's counseling). She's had a rough year. She found out a little less than a year ago that she's had MS for about the last 10 years and it's just been mis-diagnosed until Dec last year. About 2 months ago, she found out the new treatment that she was on for MS causes dormant malignant melanoma (sp?) to "wake up". So, after about 6 months of treatment, she found out she had skin cancer. Yeah, rough year isn't the half of it! So, she was telling me all about how she got into a new cancer treatment hospital that will deal with her MS too. :-) That's FANTASTIC news! We talked about all that and then also talked about me and Hubby's argument. She basically told me to slow down. I was coming up with a lot of fears that I didn't necessarily have proven yet. They were old fears, and we could possibily be dealing with a new situation. Through talking with her, turns out (and I figured this out... go me!) a lot of my fears weren't necessarily surrounding Younger... they were that Hubby wouldn't be consistent (i'm the consistent one and therefore evil) even going into this, or stand up for me, or stand up for basic respect in our household. So, I got some instructions from D for handling Sunday. Talked a bit with Hubby about it after golf, then headed to a friends' house for dinner/drinks/and Wii! :-) It was a fun night. It was nice to just put the other stuff out of my head for a while and just hang out with friends. It's also really fun to see my Hubby quite a bit tipsy! He's hilarious, and it just doesn't happen very often. Plus, if he ever gets tipsy after an argument, I get 100 apologies on the way home. Hehe! I didn't need the apologies, we already got through that formality, but he was really sorry! It was kinda cute! :-P
Sunday morning came too soon! We were up til 1230, so 8 am felt really early! We got up and started to get ready. My phone started ringing at like 815. It was Younger. She called to tell me she was up and ready for me to pick her up for church. WOW... I seriously had expected to pull into her driveway, sit there for 5 minutes and drive away without her in the car. So, that's the first bit of evidence that she was at least serious about sitting down with us and her life plan. OK... cool. I went and picked her up and Hubby went and picked up the grandson. We went to church, had a great sermon on taking care of yourself so that you can serve others. It was pretty much perfect. Next Sunday, we're not having church, we're going out into the community to help different families that need help with project here and there... we have a lot of deployed military in our community. Anyway, lunch went well. We went back to the house and grandson was KNOCKED OUT!! :-) That worked out well b/c we got a lot of talking and working through stuff with Younger accomplished. She showed us her plan. She changed it from a life plan to a year plan (which is all we were really expecting). It was good. It lacked some details, but she hit main points on the head. It was interesting b/c the details it lacked were things she just doesn't know. Now, for an 18 y/o... this girl's experienced a TON of crap in her life. Unfortunately, she doesn't have experience with good stuff, mostly bad stuff. So, we weren't terribly shocked that her plan didn't have any know-how on the good stuff. Instead of leading her along, we had her answer her own questions. When she got really stuck... like "i have no clue at all", we left it alone for conversation later. Hubby was very cut and dry with her. We don't trust you, we have no reason/evidence to trust you, we will not allow our household to become a war zone again. If it even so much as looks like it starting to be a war zone and something doesn't change... you're out. Done, gone... too bad. He let her know this was her last chance. She comes home and doesn't follow through with her plan... BYE. He also told her that nothing in life (as an adult) is free. She's going to have to contribute financially after she gets a job. Oh by the way, you need a job ASAP. If you don't walk into this house with a job, you'd better have one within the first week. I was sooooo proud, I couldn't believe my ears! She took everything in stride. No rolling of the eyes, no "buts", just "I understand". Oh, and another crazy thing... the TOP (above job) thing on her plan was to work on our relationships to get back to right with her. She even asked if we could start the family counseling calls again. I guess that's what happens when you get some food after not eating for 3-5 days. Priorities change. She also asked if one of us would pick her up for church each Sunday... to include next Sunday when we're doing the community serve Sunday. She asked if we could also have a family day, whether it's Sunday or an additional day so that we can talk/work through things/hang out and she can learn more about being a productive and successful adult. Finally, she asked to and actually scheduled a call with the counselor for Wednesday at 3 to go over her plan with D, get feedback on it, and make sure she takes the right steps in our relationships to come home. I know I sound pretty excited right now, but it was like pulling freaking teeth to get her to have real conversations on the conference calls before she headed down her slippery slope. So, if she's willing to do that to get her life and relationships back on track... it's a good sign. Plus, we'll speak to D after she talks to Younger and see where she really thinks things sit.
Anyway, we finished up all our "serious" talks and I made dinner. Grandson woke up and started playing around with everyone (he had perfect timing!). I made dinner and we had an enjoyable rest of the afternoon. Around 630, I got ready to bring Younger back. She had called her mom from our house and her mom had asked for some things back that Younger had borrowed and I agreed to bring Younger and the things to BM's house. Well, surprise... BM was at the bar. So, I brought Younger to the bar to drop off the stuff and then got permission from BM to bring Younger into BM's house so that she could pick up some more of her things. BM agreed, but told Younger not to take any of her clothes. ALL of Younger's clothes were on Younger's bed and not to touch anything in BM's room except a ring that was on BM's dresser. Ok... no problem. I brought Younger over, we went upstairs to grab Younger's stuff. When Younger went into her mom's bedroom, I followed (I followed her everywhere in the house so BM couldn't start any BS) and you pass the bed to get to the dresser. Sitting right there on BM's bed were 3 shirts that I BOUGHT Younger! I was like... Are you freaking serious! So, we went through all the clothes. I spent my freaking allowance on Younger's clothes b/c we didn't have very much money in the joint account when she came home last year. Out of all the clothes, we found 5 shirts, a jacket, a pair of jeans, and the shoes that Younger wore for the wedding reception. Oh yeah, and 3 pair of Younger's underwear that were hidden in shirts that were on BM's bed! I don't understand that behavior, but we got everything that I'd purchased for Younger out of her room. We packed up almost everything in Younger's room to bring back to the house that Younger's staying at right now. After dropping Younger off (oh, and she wasn't lying about her living arrangements... she had 2 couch pillows and a blanket in "her room"), I called BM and left a message. I ensured her that Younger didn't take anything from the house that didn't belong to her. I know what Younger's clothes look like b/c I purchased them and still hold the receipts, so if anything is in question, feel free to give me a call. Hmm.... she never called ;-)
Post-Younger visit talks with Hubby went well. We have our call with D tonight, so we'll see how that goes. I still hope to finish my homework before Wed. It's a nice hope... I'll figure out some way to do it, but my policy has always been that family comes first... so we'll see. I know this was REALLY long, but it's been a LONG weekend. I'll do my best to keep everyone updated. It's also nice to have this chronicled a bit for myself. Although, I do need to stop posting when I'm knee deep in my craziness! hehe! :-) I hope everyone else has a FANTASTIC week! :-)
Thanks for reading!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Planning Me Time
I know I keep disappearing! I didn't expect this class to be so crazy! Plus, life's had it's moments too! I am going to work on setting a certain amount of time aside for me daily to get my blog time. I miss it a TON! Not only do I miss word vomiting online, but I miss reading the blogs that I follow!
A lot has happened. Class is kicking my butt! It's ridiculous! What I SHOULD have done was take a couple refresher courses and THEN took this class. We'll see how everything works out. I hope to finish out with at least a B. I need to score really well on the next couple of tests (and A's on the homework!) and do well on my presentation. If I could pull off A's for all of that, then I could actually get an A in the class! :-) It's a plan... balancing work, home, and life with school... not sure, but I'll try.
Ok, on top of school, work's been ridiculous. Apparently I've been put under a microscope for some reason. Maybe if I actually sucked at my job, these stupid people would leave me alone. My new military boss micro-manages the crap out of people and he's starting to get on my last nerve. Asking me to reinvent wheels that I've already invented and spent a LONG time doing, then going behind my back to try to get me in trouble with my highest civilian boss. Even though the military guy knows damn well that I'm in class (I've had conversations with him concerning my class and it's come up about 4 times in meetings AND I put it on his FREAKING CALENDAR!), he keeps pretending that he has no idea. He had the freaking gall to go see my senior rater and attempt to pitch a fit with him. I'm sooo pissed at work right now, it's not even funny. Here's the reality... I HATE my job and I don't HAVE to have this job. I'm ridiculously overqualified, and the only reason I'm still with this job is loyalty to the civilian guys that I work for and the 101st ABN DIV. It's ridiculous! Whatever... that rant's over... being super pissed isn't going to change anything.
On other fronts, there'are some updates on Younger. Holy crap... I swear that girl (pause b/c my awesome Hubby chose RIGHT NOW to go over our finances... he has impeccable timing!) somehow managed to get a copy of my class schedule! Whenever I have anything crazy sucky going on at school, she pulls some crap. I'm not sure if I'll call this pulling crap this time, but I'm going to call it a TON of unplanned time dedicated to her and not studying. I know this sounds bad, but I do know family comes first... just the timing of it sucks. Anyway, Younger called me last Tues early afternoon. We haven't had a real conversation since Sept 9th, but I have heard from her 4 times since then. She really only called those other times to ask me for stuff, not to talk. I answered the phone after a good deep breath, and she asked if I had a moment to talk. I told her after I got through the checkout line, I'd call her back. I did. We talked for about an hour. At first, she went on a 15-20 minute rant about how much her life sucks and how broke they are and hungry, and oh, her life sucks. That sort of stuff. I finally interrupted her and asked her if she likes where she is in life. Her answer was no. Instead of just having a one-sided conversation on my part with her, we had a two way conversation on creating a plan on what to do to help her get her life back. She's literally in a circle of suck. She can't get a job b/c she doesn't have transpo, she doesn't have transpo b/c she has no money, she has no money, so she has no food or shampoo, she has none of that, so she's not taking care of herself and believing in herself enough to actually do well or convince herself that she can do well. It's not a circle of life, but a circle of no life, no dreams, no hopes, no aspirations. She says she doesn't want to live like that anymore. I will believe it when I see her take some action to get out. Anyway, we talked about her creating a life plan. A plan for her to take her life back and to get to the place that she wants to be in a certain amount of time (ie... school/car/job/apartment... things like that). She's going to start with her goal and work back from there. I'm also picking her up for church on Sunday, and if she's worked on her life plan and brings it with you on Sunday, then I told her that I'd be willing to go over it with her if she wants. We had a good conversation, it felt productive, anyway. I got home from work, was trying to work on my homework when Younger called me for a favor. She started going round about with what she had (or didn't have) to eat in the last several days. Finally, I stopped her and asked her if she had something to ask me. She gave a heavy sigh and then asked if I could pick her up and bring her to get some food because she was soooo hungry. I was very proud of her for asking, and of course took care of the need. It wasn't like a telephone number or directions, she actually needed food. It was weird to see her. She literally looked like a homeless person. seriously! I felt badly for her, but I know that she put herself in that spot. I brought Younger to dinner. Older and my grandson (who's grown a TON since Younger last saw him) came by to say hello. Younger had a good time, Older (who's still a bit perturbed with her sister) was still glad to see her sister. They had a good, quick visit. Upon Older and Grandson leaving, Younger commented on how much he's grown. I said, Younger, while your life is spinning in circles, everyone elses' lives are moving on. That seemed to hit her a bit. I brought her back to the place she's staying and headed home. We received one more call from her that night saying she might have a job and just had to do a couple more applications. Apparently, an employment agency called while we were out at dinner. That was good.
So, Younger FINALLY had a conversation with Hubby 2 days later. She called him, they talked for about an hour, got a lot of stuff out on the table, and had a great talk in general. Hubby thought so too. Younger asked the big question.......... was there any possibility that we'd ever let her come home. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I figured it would happen eventually. He told her that the option was still open. She said that before she talked to us seriously about coming home, she wanted to finish her life plan and sit down with it with us and go over it. After that she wanted to discuss coming home.
It's a lot to take in. Hubby and I are still talking about anything. We don't want to deal with the same crap again IF we let her come home. There's already tension in our household. Hubby and I really disagree on how to deal with her. Rules/Regulations/Boundaries... we differ GREATLY. It will be interesting to see how things work out. I have talked to the counselor several times and we were supposed to have a conference call this weekend with Hubby, me and her... now I can't get ahold of her to schedule a time. :-/ I am pretty bummed and think that we could really use her guidance.
Ok... well, it's been about 30 minutes since I wrote the last paragraph and Hubby and I already had a blow-out about the possibility of coming home. We either need serious counseling or she can't come home. The problem is.... the best thing for the health and welfare and success of Younger is for her to come home. I know this sounds horrible, but at times like this, it makes me feel a little relieved that we can't have a child of our own... I just see 18 years of arguments if we did. I'm really discouraged, confused, and don't know what to do about this.
I'm signing off b/c we're trying to work things out. Thanks for reading.
PS... Shout out to Sharon for being a friend! :-) Thanks for your advice/being there for me!
A lot has happened. Class is kicking my butt! It's ridiculous! What I SHOULD have done was take a couple refresher courses and THEN took this class. We'll see how everything works out. I hope to finish out with at least a B. I need to score really well on the next couple of tests (and A's on the homework!) and do well on my presentation. If I could pull off A's for all of that, then I could actually get an A in the class! :-) It's a plan... balancing work, home, and life with school... not sure, but I'll try.
Ok, on top of school, work's been ridiculous. Apparently I've been put under a microscope for some reason. Maybe if I actually sucked at my job, these stupid people would leave me alone. My new military boss micro-manages the crap out of people and he's starting to get on my last nerve. Asking me to reinvent wheels that I've already invented and spent a LONG time doing, then going behind my back to try to get me in trouble with my highest civilian boss. Even though the military guy knows damn well that I'm in class (I've had conversations with him concerning my class and it's come up about 4 times in meetings AND I put it on his FREAKING CALENDAR!), he keeps pretending that he has no idea. He had the freaking gall to go see my senior rater and attempt to pitch a fit with him. I'm sooo pissed at work right now, it's not even funny. Here's the reality... I HATE my job and I don't HAVE to have this job. I'm ridiculously overqualified, and the only reason I'm still with this job is loyalty to the civilian guys that I work for and the 101st ABN DIV. It's ridiculous! Whatever... that rant's over... being super pissed isn't going to change anything.
On other fronts, there'are some updates on Younger. Holy crap... I swear that girl (pause b/c my awesome Hubby chose RIGHT NOW to go over our finances... he has impeccable timing!) somehow managed to get a copy of my class schedule! Whenever I have anything crazy sucky going on at school, she pulls some crap. I'm not sure if I'll call this pulling crap this time, but I'm going to call it a TON of unplanned time dedicated to her and not studying. I know this sounds bad, but I do know family comes first... just the timing of it sucks. Anyway, Younger called me last Tues early afternoon. We haven't had a real conversation since Sept 9th, but I have heard from her 4 times since then. She really only called those other times to ask me for stuff, not to talk. I answered the phone after a good deep breath, and she asked if I had a moment to talk. I told her after I got through the checkout line, I'd call her back. I did. We talked for about an hour. At first, she went on a 15-20 minute rant about how much her life sucks and how broke they are and hungry, and oh, her life sucks. That sort of stuff. I finally interrupted her and asked her if she likes where she is in life. Her answer was no. Instead of just having a one-sided conversation on my part with her, we had a two way conversation on creating a plan on what to do to help her get her life back. She's literally in a circle of suck. She can't get a job b/c she doesn't have transpo, she doesn't have transpo b/c she has no money, she has no money, so she has no food or shampoo, she has none of that, so she's not taking care of herself and believing in herself enough to actually do well or convince herself that she can do well. It's not a circle of life, but a circle of no life, no dreams, no hopes, no aspirations. She says she doesn't want to live like that anymore. I will believe it when I see her take some action to get out. Anyway, we talked about her creating a life plan. A plan for her to take her life back and to get to the place that she wants to be in a certain amount of time (ie... school/car/job/apartment... things like that). She's going to start with her goal and work back from there. I'm also picking her up for church on Sunday, and if she's worked on her life plan and brings it with you on Sunday, then I told her that I'd be willing to go over it with her if she wants. We had a good conversation, it felt productive, anyway. I got home from work, was trying to work on my homework when Younger called me for a favor. She started going round about with what she had (or didn't have) to eat in the last several days. Finally, I stopped her and asked her if she had something to ask me. She gave a heavy sigh and then asked if I could pick her up and bring her to get some food because she was soooo hungry. I was very proud of her for asking, and of course took care of the need. It wasn't like a telephone number or directions, she actually needed food. It was weird to see her. She literally looked like a homeless person. seriously! I felt badly for her, but I know that she put herself in that spot. I brought Younger to dinner. Older and my grandson (who's grown a TON since Younger last saw him) came by to say hello. Younger had a good time, Older (who's still a bit perturbed with her sister) was still glad to see her sister. They had a good, quick visit. Upon Older and Grandson leaving, Younger commented on how much he's grown. I said, Younger, while your life is spinning in circles, everyone elses' lives are moving on. That seemed to hit her a bit. I brought her back to the place she's staying and headed home. We received one more call from her that night saying she might have a job and just had to do a couple more applications. Apparently, an employment agency called while we were out at dinner. That was good.
So, Younger FINALLY had a conversation with Hubby 2 days later. She called him, they talked for about an hour, got a lot of stuff out on the table, and had a great talk in general. Hubby thought so too. Younger asked the big question.......... was there any possibility that we'd ever let her come home. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I figured it would happen eventually. He told her that the option was still open. She said that before she talked to us seriously about coming home, she wanted to finish her life plan and sit down with it with us and go over it. After that she wanted to discuss coming home.
It's a lot to take in. Hubby and I are still talking about anything. We don't want to deal with the same crap again IF we let her come home. There's already tension in our household. Hubby and I really disagree on how to deal with her. Rules/Regulations/Boundaries... we differ GREATLY. It will be interesting to see how things work out. I have talked to the counselor several times and we were supposed to have a conference call this weekend with Hubby, me and her... now I can't get ahold of her to schedule a time. :-/ I am pretty bummed and think that we could really use her guidance.
Ok... well, it's been about 30 minutes since I wrote the last paragraph and Hubby and I already had a blow-out about the possibility of coming home. We either need serious counseling or she can't come home. The problem is.... the best thing for the health and welfare and success of Younger is for her to come home. I know this sounds horrible, but at times like this, it makes me feel a little relieved that we can't have a child of our own... I just see 18 years of arguments if we did. I'm really discouraged, confused, and don't know what to do about this.
I'm signing off b/c we're trying to work things out. Thanks for reading.
PS... Shout out to Sharon for being a friend! :-) Thanks for your advice/being there for me!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Today
Well, Hubby and I talked this afternoon, and we're fine now. I appreciate the comments because it really helped me out. I was just immediately hurt, but we talked about it and worked everything out. It's interesting because we have to continue working on communications constantly! :-) Thanks so much for all your kind words and info. :-)
I just got off work. It was a crazy day. My stupid computer keeps dying and erasing everything I have. I worked on Wed til 6 to work on a presentation that my LTC needed this week and then everything got erased. :-( So, yesterday I had to bring my computer to get fixed. It WAS fixed, but it took all day. So, today, I went to redo my presentation and my stupid computer died again! I got about an hours worth of work done before I had to leave for class. I got 2 calls about the stupid presentation DURING class, and then I rushed back to the office to finish up a crappy presentation (it was crappy b/c I was rushing). I "finished" enough to turn it in and my LTC was gone! That was good and bad. The good is that I have the weekend to go back and make it look all pretty and a little more clear. The bad is that I didn't complete my job in the time that I was supposed to. :-( I don't like that. I never miss a suspense, and I don't want work to think that school is getting in the way of work. :-( Hopefully I will just knock his socks off on Monday morning and then I'll be good to go.
I got a call from Younger this morning. She called early and apparently she and her other unemployed friends managed to rent a house? I guess they are renting it. Whatever. Anyway, she called and wanted the number to the electric company. Once again... I basically haven't heard from her since 9 September except for her to call and ask me for something (3 times total, including today). So, I told her I couldn't get the number for her and suggested she get a phone book. Then I told her that her Navy recruiter has been looking for her. (Her recruiter has basically given up on her, so the most productive decision that she's made in the last 6 months is down the toilet now). I told her I loved her and hung up. This went NOTHING like the conversation that I had rehearsed in my head. I was going to tell her I wasn't a phone book and I'm not google maps. But I didn't. I just said no and I love her.
Yesterday she called Hubby to ask if she can use our $100 air mattress indefinitely. No, Hi... how are you?... just can I have.... gimme gimme. She also phoned Older to see if her sister would call her mom for her to ask her mom for her air mattress. Hmmm... let's see... right before she disappeared off the face of the earth, she stole $200 from her mom. Hmmm... answer's gonna be NO! Maybe she should have saved the $200 that she stole. Whatever. Anyway, I'm just done with all of it. Older and I had a good conversation today about everything. It was short but good.
Speaking of Older. She went to orientation for school on Tuesday! :-) She's going to school to be an LPN. I'm SOOOO proud of her! Less than a year ago, we were bailing an 8 month pregnant stupid kid out of jail. Now, I have a great relationship with a responsible, hard working mother that wants to better her life! :-) Yes, I'm talking about the same girl... well, now woman! :-) It's been a tremendous year of growth. Not only for her but for me too. I've managed to learn so much about my ability (and inability) to let go of things out of my control and just been an encouragement. Anyway, we did find out that because she pleaded guilty to her felony (which b/c of that, she's probably not going to jail since she was accountable) it's going to be much more difficult to be an LPN. When I called to see how orientation went, she was soooo discouraged. Older was soo excited to do something with her life and go to school. She was so proud of herself and her little bubble popped! :-( We talked for a while, I told her that if she wanted to be an LPN, where there's a will, there's a way. We'll find a way to make it happen.
Sure enough, I spoke with my aunt (she started as an LPN and is now a nurse practitioner) and she gave me some places to look. Turns out TN/KY Board of Nursing will review anyone's information (that has a felony) on a case by case basis. All you have to do (i make this sound simple, and it obviously isn't) is prove to the board you're rehabilitated. Then they will let you take the license exam. Then she has to prove again to her potential employer the same thing. I explained to her that it wouldn't be an easy road, but it's possible if that's something she really wants. She said that her bubble had totally burst and it was filling back up again! :-) I love the relationship that I have with her now. It's SOOO awesome. I can't even explain! :-) I hope she goes ahead and goes to school. It won't be easy, but I KNOW she can do it! :-)
So, there were definitely some positives and negatives to this week, but it was definitely a full one. I have yet to do any homework this week. I'll start working on it again tomorrow afternoon. I have about 7 problems left and 2 weekends to do them in. I'm going to try to get all of them started/done this weekend. Then I can ask all the questions I need to. Additionally, I have my next test on my day off (Columbus Day), so I will have part of the day to study. The other part, I'm bringing Older on a date day and we're getting pedicures. That should balance out the total suck of the test. :-)
I'm going to get off here for now. Thanks again for all your comments and support. I can't tell you how much of a difference you mean to me. Have a great weekend!
Thanks for reading!
I just got off work. It was a crazy day. My stupid computer keeps dying and erasing everything I have. I worked on Wed til 6 to work on a presentation that my LTC needed this week and then everything got erased. :-( So, yesterday I had to bring my computer to get fixed. It WAS fixed, but it took all day. So, today, I went to redo my presentation and my stupid computer died again! I got about an hours worth of work done before I had to leave for class. I got 2 calls about the stupid presentation DURING class, and then I rushed back to the office to finish up a crappy presentation (it was crappy b/c I was rushing). I "finished" enough to turn it in and my LTC was gone! That was good and bad. The good is that I have the weekend to go back and make it look all pretty and a little more clear. The bad is that I didn't complete my job in the time that I was supposed to. :-( I don't like that. I never miss a suspense, and I don't want work to think that school is getting in the way of work. :-( Hopefully I will just knock his socks off on Monday morning and then I'll be good to go.
I got a call from Younger this morning. She called early and apparently she and her other unemployed friends managed to rent a house? I guess they are renting it. Whatever. Anyway, she called and wanted the number to the electric company. Once again... I basically haven't heard from her since 9 September except for her to call and ask me for something (3 times total, including today). So, I told her I couldn't get the number for her and suggested she get a phone book. Then I told her that her Navy recruiter has been looking for her. (Her recruiter has basically given up on her, so the most productive decision that she's made in the last 6 months is down the toilet now). I told her I loved her and hung up. This went NOTHING like the conversation that I had rehearsed in my head. I was going to tell her I wasn't a phone book and I'm not google maps. But I didn't. I just said no and I love her.
Yesterday she called Hubby to ask if she can use our $100 air mattress indefinitely. No, Hi... how are you?... just can I have.... gimme gimme. She also phoned Older to see if her sister would call her mom for her to ask her mom for her air mattress. Hmmm... let's see... right before she disappeared off the face of the earth, she stole $200 from her mom. Hmmm... answer's gonna be NO! Maybe she should have saved the $200 that she stole. Whatever. Anyway, I'm just done with all of it. Older and I had a good conversation today about everything. It was short but good.
Speaking of Older. She went to orientation for school on Tuesday! :-) She's going to school to be an LPN. I'm SOOOO proud of her! Less than a year ago, we were bailing an 8 month pregnant stupid kid out of jail. Now, I have a great relationship with a responsible, hard working mother that wants to better her life! :-) Yes, I'm talking about the same girl... well, now woman! :-) It's been a tremendous year of growth. Not only for her but for me too. I've managed to learn so much about my ability (and inability) to let go of things out of my control and just been an encouragement. Anyway, we did find out that because she pleaded guilty to her felony (which b/c of that, she's probably not going to jail since she was accountable) it's going to be much more difficult to be an LPN. When I called to see how orientation went, she was soooo discouraged. Older was soo excited to do something with her life and go to school. She was so proud of herself and her little bubble popped! :-( We talked for a while, I told her that if she wanted to be an LPN, where there's a will, there's a way. We'll find a way to make it happen.
Sure enough, I spoke with my aunt (she started as an LPN and is now a nurse practitioner) and she gave me some places to look. Turns out TN/KY Board of Nursing will review anyone's information (that has a felony) on a case by case basis. All you have to do (i make this sound simple, and it obviously isn't) is prove to the board you're rehabilitated. Then they will let you take the license exam. Then she has to prove again to her potential employer the same thing. I explained to her that it wouldn't be an easy road, but it's possible if that's something she really wants. She said that her bubble had totally burst and it was filling back up again! :-) I love the relationship that I have with her now. It's SOOO awesome. I can't even explain! :-) I hope she goes ahead and goes to school. It won't be easy, but I KNOW she can do it! :-)
So, there were definitely some positives and negatives to this week, but it was definitely a full one. I have yet to do any homework this week. I'll start working on it again tomorrow afternoon. I have about 7 problems left and 2 weekends to do them in. I'm going to try to get all of them started/done this weekend. Then I can ask all the questions I need to. Additionally, I have my next test on my day off (Columbus Day), so I will have part of the day to study. The other part, I'm bringing Older on a date day and we're getting pedicures. That should balance out the total suck of the test. :-)
I'm going to get off here for now. Thanks again for all your comments and support. I can't tell you how much of a difference you mean to me. Have a great weekend!
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
WTF Mate!?!?!?!
OK... so, speaking to the last post, I finally talked with my in-laws tonight. Just got off the phone with Dad and Mom. They are safe and well, they are still having some crazy tremors, but are good on their part of the island.
I calmed down.... I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.
I calmed down.... I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.
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