Weekend Wrap Up

Thank you all for your comments on the last post! I appreciate it. I didn't feel like jumping on the computer last night at 8 pm when I finally got home and settled. I was home all day, but Younger was home with us. I got ZERO homework done (BOO!), but it was a very productive day.

Saturday morning, I got ahold of the counselor while Hubby was out golfing. She has internet-phone and had used her cell for some counseling calls, so her phone ended up completely dying. Then when I was calling the house (we were going over time frames), she was at the grocery store, the next time, she was on a date with her fiance'. So, it was just poor timing and missed calls. Nothing to fret about. In hine-sight (sp?), sometimes I am actually grateful when we can't get ahold of her b/c I do use her as a crutch. The end result (working things out) is usually the same, it just takes SOOOOO much longer without her! :-) Either way, Hubby and I didn't go to bed angry. We didn't go to bed agreeing, but we didn't go to bed angry, and that's what matters!

So, Saturday, I chatted with our counselor, D, for about an hour (it wasn't all issues, we've grown into side friends... i have to compartmentalize when it's counseling). She's had a rough year. She found out a little less than a year ago that she's had MS for about the last 10 years and it's just been mis-diagnosed until Dec last year. About 2 months ago, she found out the new treatment that she was on for MS causes dormant malignant melanoma (sp?) to "wake up". So, after about 6 months of treatment, she found out she had skin cancer. Yeah, rough year isn't the half of it! So, she was telling me all about how she got into a new cancer treatment hospital that will deal with her MS too. :-) That's FANTASTIC news! We talked about all that and then also talked about me and Hubby's argument. She basically told me to slow down. I was coming up with a lot of fears that I didn't necessarily have proven yet. They were old fears, and we could possibily be dealing with a new situation. Through talking with her, turns out (and I figured this out... go me!) a lot of my fears weren't necessarily surrounding Younger... they were that Hubby wouldn't be consistent (i'm the consistent one and therefore evil) even going into this, or stand up for me, or stand up for basic respect in our household. So, I got some instructions from D for handling Sunday. Talked a bit with Hubby about it after golf, then headed to a friends' house for dinner/drinks/and Wii! :-) It was a fun night. It was nice to just put the other stuff out of my head for a while and just hang out with friends. It's also really fun to see my Hubby quite a bit tipsy! He's hilarious, and it just doesn't happen very often. Plus, if he ever gets tipsy after an argument, I get 100 apologies on the way home. Hehe! I didn't need the apologies, we already got through that formality, but he was really sorry! It was kinda cute! :-P

Sunday morning came too soon! We were up til 1230, so 8 am felt really early! We got up and started to get ready. My phone started ringing at like 815. It was Younger. She called to tell me she was up and ready for me to pick her up for church. WOW... I seriously had expected to pull into her driveway, sit there for 5 minutes and drive away without her in the car. So, that's the first bit of evidence that she was at least serious about sitting down with us and her life plan. OK... cool. I went and picked her up and Hubby went and picked up the grandson. We went to church, had a great sermon on taking care of yourself so that you can serve others. It was pretty much perfect. Next Sunday, we're not having church, we're going out into the community to help different families that need help with project here and there... we have a lot of deployed military in our community. Anyway, lunch went well. We went back to the house and grandson was KNOCKED OUT!! :-) That worked out well b/c we got a lot of talking and working through stuff with Younger accomplished. She showed us her plan. She changed it from a life plan to a year plan (which is all we were really expecting). It was good. It lacked some details, but she hit main points on the head. It was interesting b/c the details it lacked were things she just doesn't know. Now, for an 18 y/o... this girl's experienced a TON of crap in her life. Unfortunately, she doesn't have experience with good stuff, mostly bad stuff. So, we weren't terribly shocked that her plan didn't have any know-how on the good stuff. Instead of leading her along, we had her answer her own questions. When she got really stuck... like "i have no clue at all", we left it alone for conversation later. Hubby was very cut and dry with her. We don't trust you, we have no reason/evidence to trust you, we will not allow our household to become a war zone again. If it even so much as looks like it starting to be a war zone and something doesn't change... you're out. Done, gone... too bad. He let her know this was her last chance. She comes home and doesn't follow through with her plan... BYE. He also told her that nothing in life (as an adult) is free. She's going to have to contribute financially after she gets a job. Oh by the way, you need a job ASAP. If you don't walk into this house with a job, you'd better have one within the first week. I was sooooo proud, I couldn't believe my ears! She took everything in stride. No rolling of the eyes, no "buts", just "I understand". Oh, and another crazy thing... the TOP (above job) thing on her plan was to work on our relationships to get back to right with her. She even asked if we could start the family counseling calls again. I guess that's what happens when you get some food after not eating for 3-5 days. Priorities change. She also asked if one of us would pick her up for church each Sunday... to include next Sunday when we're doing the community serve Sunday. She asked if we could also have a family day, whether it's Sunday or an additional day so that we can talk/work through things/hang out and she can learn more about being a productive and successful adult. Finally, she asked to and actually scheduled a call with the counselor for Wednesday at 3 to go over her plan with D, get feedback on it, and make sure she takes the right steps in our relationships to come home. I know I sound pretty excited right now, but it was like pulling freaking teeth to get her to have real conversations on the conference calls before she headed down her slippery slope. So, if she's willing to do that to get her life and relationships back on track... it's a good sign. Plus, we'll speak to D after she talks to Younger and see where she really thinks things sit.

Anyway, we finished up all our "serious" talks and I made dinner. Grandson woke up and started playing around with everyone (he had perfect timing!). I made dinner and we had an enjoyable rest of the afternoon. Around 630, I got ready to bring Younger back. She had called her mom from our house and her mom had asked for some things back that Younger had borrowed and I agreed to bring Younger and the things to BM's house. Well, surprise... BM was at the bar. So, I brought Younger to the bar to drop off the stuff and then got permission from BM to bring Younger into BM's house so that she could pick up some more of her things. BM agreed, but told Younger not to take any of her clothes. ALL of Younger's clothes were on Younger's bed and not to touch anything in BM's room except a ring that was on BM's dresser. Ok... no problem. I brought Younger over, we went upstairs to grab Younger's stuff. When Younger went into her mom's bedroom, I followed (I followed her everywhere in the house so BM couldn't start any BS) and you pass the bed to get to the dresser. Sitting right there on BM's bed were 3 shirts that I BOUGHT Younger! I was like... Are you freaking serious! So, we went through all the clothes. I spent my freaking allowance on Younger's clothes b/c we didn't have very much money in the joint account when she came home last year. Out of all the clothes, we found 5 shirts, a jacket, a pair of jeans, and the shoes that Younger wore for the wedding reception. Oh yeah, and 3 pair of Younger's underwear that were hidden in shirts that were on BM's bed! I don't understand that behavior, but we got everything that I'd purchased for Younger out of her room. We packed up almost everything in Younger's room to bring back to the house that Younger's staying at right now. After dropping Younger off (oh, and she wasn't lying about her living arrangements... she had 2 couch pillows and a blanket in "her room"), I called BM and left a message. I ensured her that Younger didn't take anything from the house that didn't belong to her. I know what Younger's clothes look like b/c I purchased them and still hold the receipts, so if anything is in question, feel free to give me a call. Hmm.... she never called ;-)

Post-Younger visit talks with Hubby went well. We have our call with D tonight, so we'll see how that goes. I still hope to finish my homework before Wed. It's a nice hope... I'll figure out some way to do it, but my policy has always been that family comes first... so we'll see. I know this was REALLY long, but it's been a LONG weekend. I'll do my best to keep everyone updated. It's also nice to have this chronicled a bit for myself. Although, I do need to stop posting when I'm knee deep in my craziness! hehe! :-) I hope everyone else has a FANTASTIC week! :-)

Thanks for reading!