"Negotiations" on Friday went well. The only thing that Younger didn't want to agree to was the house rule of "no girls or boys in her room"... period. For those of you who don't know, Younger has declared herself to be bi-sexual. Which, as a mom, means I have no idea if someone's a love interest... guy or girl. I don't want hanky panky going on in my house. While I was living with my now-husband before marraige... we took a look at our family values well before marriage and at that point chose to institute a house rule that there will be no "hanky panky" prior to marraige. Case in point... my Hubby and I didn't have sex from that point on until we were married... living together and all. Anyway, that's where this rule stems from. After careful thought, I understand a little bit more why Younger didn't agree with that rule. We live in a 3 bedroom, 1000 sq ft house with one living area and no "bonus room". By our rule, she HAS to hang out with us together all the time in the living room when she has friends over. So, we compromised. We instituted the 90 degree rule. IF there is a boy or girl in her room, her door must be open 90 degrees the whole time. She agreed to that.
That means... my girl is coming home. Technically, she did already... ish. She wanted to move in today. I told her that wouldn't work for me and she basically needed to move in Sat, but come to stay today. We got all the crap out of her room (it became the "catch all" room as I re-did other rooms in the house after she left), cleaned it up, and moved all of her things in. Her room says she's home. It's a different feeling. It doesn't feel like a fight. She's receptive. Her attitude is different. It's good... for now. It's either going to stay good and get better or go down hill. I hope for the former. I will work for the former. Here's her room. :-)
We had a really good conversation on Friday. My Hubby was outside chatting with the mechanic, so I had a moment with Younger. I told her that we were both a pain in the butt and could get on each others' nerves very easily if we don't communicate. Complicating matters, she'll be home a week and Hubby is leaving for 2 weeks for work right after that. She said that she REALLY wanted to make this work and have a relationship with me and get her butt on track. I asked her what kind of relationship she wanted with me, so I could support her the way she needs support. (In March/April, she wrote me a letter to give me the big F U for not wanting the same relationship as I wanted from her... whatever... old crap that's forgiven, I was just not going to assume anything this time) She said she really wanted a mother/daughter relationship with me. She said the last week and a half, she already feels like we've become so much closer and she's really grateful for it. Younger told me that she's been getting off the phone with me this last week and when people ask who she's been talking to, she kept calling me "mom" to them. She's been catching herself calling me mom by accident, and she wants that back badly. It warmed my oh-so-guarded heart. Don't worry readers... I'll believe it when I see it. I have faith in her, though, that she's not snowing me this time. 1st bit of evidence... she maintained eye contact. We'll see past that.
Anyway... she's not home tonight. Her GF's family is in town and so she's staying the night there tonight. She'll be picked up tomorrow after we get off of work and she's officially for real home. Nerve racking, but exciting at the same time. I'm working on being careful that I'm not in a euphoric state... I AM relishing the good times for now. Actually, I'll always relish the good times. I have the mom role 100%. Not just b/c I took it on, but because she continually keeps giving it to me without her realizing it all the time.
Time will tell how everything works out, but I am glad she's home, safe, working on our relationships, and goal-oriented. I'll do my best to keep updating. No HW done this weekend either (surprise)... Oh, send out good thoughts and prayers. We have our last court date with Older (old post explained her dumbass decision to sell some cocaine for $30 a year ago... she's cleaned up her act since then... oh, she wasn't using, just had a bad BAD lapse in judgement) on Wednesday. I'm praying for probation. Last year, I was praying for jail time for her. What a diff a year makes!
Thanks for reading!
Good luck!! I hope that she behaves herself!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad things are working out so far. You seem to have a very positive attitude and that's great. I hope things continue to go smoothly, especially during your husband's 2 weeks away.
ReplyDeleteHave you discussed what to do if she wants to continue spending the night with her GF? That would bother me...
Good luck on the court date. Hopefully the judge will see that the Older isn't the same person she was a year ago.
ReplyDeleteI love reading all these happy posts about how things keep going well with the younger. I know it hasn't been long, but good luck to you!
I don't like that she stays the night there... especially b/c I abhore the environment that she's in while staying there.
ReplyDeleteD said if it becomes an issue within our relationship, then more boundaries need to be added, however, for now, as long as she creates agreements with us and we know where she'll be... she's 18. I don't fully agree with that, but we'll try it D's way for a bit.
We did allow GF to spend the night at our house Sat b/c we had to get up early for church on Sunday. I stayed up with them until Younger was about to pass out. GF stayed on the couch, Younger stayed in her room. It worked out fine.
So... basically, we'll see.