I Forgive Her

Those words are harder to say than I LOVE YOU... sometimes...

I talked with the counselor today. Without giving specifics... Younger was feeling a TON of shame for coming home and giving us the big F U... then continuing to screw things up on her own to the point where she couldn't feed herself for almost a week.

I brought that up with my mom after telling her about my talk with D. My mom asked me if I ever offered Younger forgiveness for the crap that she pulled when she was home. I told my mom that we weren't offering anything to Younger without her asking anymore. My mom made a very good point (and if you hate anything religious... stop now... i'm not super religious... my mom makes a good point). She said that Jesus didn't wait for us to ask forgiveness before dying on the cross... Forgiveness is given freely. Whether someone asks or not... you either give it or you don't... regardless of the other person.

So, I got off the phone with my mom. I've been waiting for an apology forever!!! I kept telling my mom and D I wanted an apology from her... PERIOD! I was WRONG. After talking with my mom, I realized that I was at the point where I do forgive Younger... I was just waiting for her to ask. It's also interesting that last weekend Younger told me NOTHING IS FREE! That's not true... Forgiveness is free... it's up to the person to receive the forgiveness or not. I finally get that! :-)

I called Younger immediately after my epiphany. She excused herself and went outside. I told her briefly about my conversation with my mom. I was quite vague on purpose. Then I hit her with it... BAM! "Younger, we had a lot of crap go on while you lived here before. I just wanted to let you know that I FORGIVE you for all that crap. Will you FORGIVE me?". :-) I'm sooo proud of me. I'm so happy for me... I'm soo happy for Younger. The response from Younger was a sigh of relief and an exacerbated "THANK YOU and a YES! Of Course, I forgive you!" I waited so long for an apology that would have taken FOREVER, to give her something I was free to give... no matter what. It's amazing. I can't tell you the euphoric feeling I have right now.

I'm soo grateful that my mom offered me that perspective. I did tell Younger, it doesn't mean I don't still have pet peeves and such... but I forgive her for the hurt/pain/anger/chaos that went on while she was here. What a relief! Surprisingly, I did more for me by offering her forgiveness than I did for her. I'm sure of that. A weight has lifted and I feel ridiculously free.

It's a great feeling... Is there someone that you need to forgive? Possibly yourself? Forgiveness is free and it's just an amazing feeling! :-)

Thanks for reading!